In order to overcome the interference that fuels our fear of rejection, we will typically need to use both the SEE and the CORE techniques. To get access to the energy fields generated by our fear, we’re going to have to provoke it somewhat. To access your individual fear of rejection, all you need to do is imagine a situation where you’re talking to someone and you really want him or her to agree with you. You really want them to say, ‘YES!’ but there’s a chance that they could say, ‘NO!’ And, of course, you really don’t want to hear that.
Imagine talking to them about buying a product or service from you, or agreeing with an idea, or enrolling in a business opportunity you’re providing. Maybe you’re applying for a job, or perhaps you want to ask that cute blond out on a date with you! Whatever the topic or circumstances, these are all forms of selling.
Now that you’re imagining talking to someone who you really want to agree with you, imagine what his or her reaction might be. Imagine them telling you ‘NO’, and imagine them telling you ‘NO’ very emphatically: ‘You must be crazy asking me this!’ Imagine that you get an extremely strong ‘NO’. As you imagine this response, see if you can feel your fear of being rejected.
It is easiest to do this with your eyes closed. So after you read this try closing your eyes and imagining being told that strong ‘NO’. If you allow yourself to, you’ll be able to notice the energy that radiates out in to the space around you, creating a kind of cloud or aura of energy that engulfs you. It may sound amazing to say that we can actually sense this, but we can. We can sense that energy field of the emotion all around our body.
It’s really just a matter of making the decision to allow ourselves to feel it. Once we can feel the energy of that fear, we’re going to try to simply notice how big the energy field is that we are creating.
We do this by allowing our awareness to move out from our body into the space around us, further and further away. We’re looking for the place where the energy field begins to fade away, for the place of quietness out beyond the edge of the energy field. Take your time, and you will find the outer edge of the field and the quietness that’s out beyond the edge.
As you go a little further into the quietness, you will feel the distinction between the energy field and the surrounding quietness even more clearly. You may start to sense that the quietness is a background of silence in which this big energy field of fear exists. Now go even further into the surrounding quietness, much, much further from the edge of the energy, and allow yourself to experience the vast and limitless quietness and serenity.
From out here in this expansiveness of your awareness, which is where you are, look back at the energy field of your fear and notice what’s happening to it. Notice that from out here in the expansiveness of your awareness, the energy field seems to be diminishing, getting smaller, and losing form.
Notice that you can see the whole picture of the energy and the story that creates it much more clearly from out here than you could from inside the energy field. It’s much like a view of the clouds from a satellite; your perspective is quite different out here in Pure Awareness. You can now see that the story that has been creating your emotional reaction is something that you’ve made up in your mind. It doesn’t exist anywhere other than in your mind. But the energy field has been consuming you, blanketing you, engulfing you; but when you were inside of it, it seemed so real!
Now that you’re outside of the energy field looking back at it, notice that the story generating your fear is merely a projection of a potential negative outcome onto the future – ‘what if they reject me?’ or ‘It’s going to hurt’ or ‘If they don’t like what I am offering I’ll feel rejected.’ These are all simply projections of possible experiences, not actual reality.
Notice how there’s a sense of choice now, a sense that you can choose whether to continue feeding energy into this story or not. Let’s question this story a little bit. – Is this story useful to you in some way? Is it helping you in your life? Notice how the story has nothing to do with the present; it has only to do with the possibility of something negative happening in the future. It’s simply a story we’re making up about something that doesn’t actually exist. Ask yourself if this is a good investment of your life energy. Is it providing you with a benefit of any kind, or is it simply a habit of thinking, or feeling, that your fear is somehow protecting you? In this case, fear is working against you.
Now think of that situation when someone is telling you ‘NO’ in a very harsh way, and check to see if there is still some kind of charge there. See if there is still some energy inside your body – this will be the CORE technique portion of the energy. This is the residual traumatic energy left inside you from all those times that you were told ‘NO’, when what you really wanted was a ‘YES!’
You’ll find this energy inside of your body; it may be in your solar plexus, your belly, your chest, or even your throat, though it is typically near the center of the body. Is there a ball or a knot of energy in there when you think about somebody telling you ‘NO’?
This is CORE technique territory, and we’re deeply conditioned to move away from this energy. That’s why it takes you a little time and effort to access it, because we normally don’t go anywhere near there. We’re going to do the opposite of what you’re deeply conditioned to do, and we’re going to move closer to this energy. I realize that it may seem difficult, but this is the only way we’re going to resolve this energy so completely that it’s going to be gone forever.
It’s completely safe to allow yourself to let yourself feel this energy. As you think about a situation in which somebody tells you ‘NO’, you’ll push up against something painful, but you must bring your awareness in closer to the energy field rather than moving away from it. Bring your awareness in so close to the surface of the energy field that you can sense, see, or feel the opening at the top of the eye of the hurricane. It will be right in the center of the most intense part of the field. Dive in, right in to the center, and allow yourself to feel down the center of that vortex all the way to the bottom.
What we’re doing here is experiencing the essence of the energy just as it’s sprouting into existence; this is the most efficient way to complete the incomplete experience being held there. To feel the whole energy field would be way to much work – we just want to capture the essence of it, and this is the best way to do that.
Eventually, you will exit the bottom of the vortex, and when you do, you will transform the experience. It will feel much like you have come out the bottom into that same expansive quietness that you experienced during the SEE technique.
One additional observation I have made is that our fear of rejection can exist in different layers inside of us. Some experiences, situations, or individuals can trigger it more strongly than others. If someone not so important to you tells you ‘NO’, it may not matter. But if someone important to you tells you ‘NO’, you run the risk of pushing up against your old, painful fears of rejection.
If you want to crank up the intensity of this exercise, imagine that someone is trying to embarrass you in front of a whole group of people, saying something that they know about you, some secret that you don’t want revealed. Imagine someone betraying your trust, and the possibility of being rejected or embarrassed in front of a whole group of people – this can sometimes help provoke more intense feelings and more effective resolutions.
One of the great things about learning these techniques is that you can continue using them on your own because they’re so simple. They are very different than what we’re deeply conditioned to do, but they are also simple and easy to use.
This post is the seventh in a series of 8 posts.
Originally posted 2017-01-04 21:49:37.